come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
