i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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