Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
