Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
