i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
