So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
