you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
