Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
