Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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