her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Randomize
