...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
