Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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