And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
