I skipped work to stalk him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
