so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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