You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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