the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
