TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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