Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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