It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
