i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
