It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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