im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
