If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize