I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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