Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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