Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
