My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
