We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
