You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
