so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't notice because vodka
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
