I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize