If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
