do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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