Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, beer. Big fan.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
