come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
