Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize