I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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