Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
