So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
