Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
