Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
