That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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