I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is not my ceiling
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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