They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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