I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize