I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
