I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
time to smoke my breakfast
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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