if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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