hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
