he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
