If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
