An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
