I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
