We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
