Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
