I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
