i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
