I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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