I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
