smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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