Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
