My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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