Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize