my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
