either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize