True but thats because hes a fetus.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
