I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize