in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
