He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
