Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
