im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
