i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
