my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
