I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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