We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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