This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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