oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
