he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
